i was a cowardly kid, with couragous friends. almost every weekend we'd gather together at someone's house with a rented horror movie, and i would spend most of two hours hiding my face behind a sleeping bag. i'd lay awake in the dark long after my friends had fallen asleep, shivering with fear. only after the daybreak, only after the dawn came, could i finally sleep. one friend's mom was so used to seeing me still awake at 5 or 6 in the morning that we'd chat for a bit before i finally went to sleep.
because of this, there are a number of movies i've seen once, and barely once. the shining, the ring 2 (the american version), 1408, the exorcist, one missed call, sinister. in my adult years i've tried to branch back out into horror. i know it's a genre with a lot of value, and that i haven't seen the best of it. in the last year i made a point to watch a number of japanese horror films, namely the ring, ju-on or the grudge, pulse, and audition. i'd like to say that i've gotten braver, but i took breaks while watching the last two. i am still someone fearful of the dark at times, for whom things lurking in the shadows seem to present as a real threat. as for what scared me about audition, well. i'd say i was justified in being unsettled.
but i'm working on it. and part of that was playing anatomy. i first heard about anatomy in jacob geller's video "Control, Anatomy, and the Legacy of the Haunted House", which is excellent and which i'll almost certainly accidentally crib some of the energy from in this. but i don't want to talk strictly about anatomy here, though it is extremely important to this discussion. no, i want to talk primarily about "tell me i'm worthless", the 2021 debut novel by alison rumfitt.